Embracing Spooky Season with Shadow Work

“One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” - C.G. Jung

At some point in the meanderings of long-term therapeutic work, there comes a time when a person begins to confront the ways in which they play a key role in perpetuating their own pain. It’s one of my favorite parts of therapy - when we start to question our subjectivity, the ways we contribute to our (and others’) suffering, and free ourselves from our own mental cages.

The shadow, a term developed by late Swiss psychiatrist Carl G. Jung, refers to the darker dimensions of our personality that get relegated to our unconscious minds. Which makes sense. If humans are hard-wired to avoid pain, why would we elect to pursue the intimidating process of facing the darker dimensions of our personality?

Simply put, confronting our own shadows can actually be some of the most transformative work in psychotherapy and in life, as self-mutilating as it may seem. It sure ain’t for the faint of heart. It can be incredibly painful, shameful, and frightening to acknowledge the ways in which we are not as “good” as we thought we were, and for good reason. These parts aren’t pretty. They self-sabotage, are narcissistic, hypocritical, toxic (as the kids say), or (my favorite) so incredibly woke, they actually display the same rigidity as those on the polar opposite side of the spectrum. 

I get it though. It’s scary! Acknowledging these parts of our psyche might genuinely cause us to spiral existentially into a fun pit of “Was I the problem all along?!” (to which I say yes and no). 

I ask myself often though. When did normal and good become the goal? Under the right conditions*, there’s incredible creative potential - or dare I say, genius - in these forbidden parts of our personality. Our shadows are not just repressed badness. It is an untapped, unmetabolized reservoir of our own versions of genius.

“Unfortunately there can be no doubt that man is, on the whole, less good than he imagines himself or wants to be. Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. At all counts, it forms an unconscious snag, thwarting our most well-meant intentions.” - C.G. Jung

While working through our shadows can have a bit of a dark-night-of-the-soul vibe to it, there are just too many rewards on the other side to pass up. Acknowledging (and loving!) ourselves through our weird and our ugly makes us whole and human. It frees us, really, from our own masks. The deeper we can connect with the reality of ourselves, the deeper we can connect with others. In fact, Terry Real defines self esteem as being able to see yourself as flawed and still hold yourself in high regard. When we accept the darker dimensions of our psyche, we can then truly, madly, deeply accept and connect with others (90’s reference just to lighten things up a bit).

The point I hope I’m getting across is this: the messy parts of you are the best parts of you. Just like the ancient Japanese art of kintsugi suggests, don’t throw away your broken vase for a fancy new one from West Elm. Fill your cracks with compassion and gold.

*Which includes, but is not limited to, working with a trauma-informed therapist with whom you have a trusted therapeutic alliance.